the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
