All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
