office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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