I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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