Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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