I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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