Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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