I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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