i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
