those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
