Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
