hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
