I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
