alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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