It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
