69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
