The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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