he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
