she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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