You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
