took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
