We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
