Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Someone signed my nipple.
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