You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
