woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
