Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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