Need sex. Gaining weight.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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