but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
