I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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