Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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