I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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