I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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