you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am one with the molecules
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
