her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
