I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
