I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
