Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
