fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
