How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
