What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
