operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
