You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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