I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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