Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
