u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
