i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
