Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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