Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
