You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
