ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
