420 ftw
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
