Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
