sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
