I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My pussy is not your playground.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
