I have demons in me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
