dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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