I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
