I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
