dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
