wakey wakey hands off snakey
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
